Mulan: Bleach version
by Whatthewoot
Summary: Ichigo, the headstrong submissive takes on the war with the Espadas in his father's place. In a world where everyone is not treated equal he refuses to bow down to tradition.  Disney classic, Bleach style. Warning: ByaIchi Goodness
1. Chapter 1

**Crack, written in a sugar high. M-rated for future yaoi loving and shit. Read and be good :**

**Mulan: Bleach version**

The moon was full, its pale light made it able to see far even though it was after midnight. Shuuhei Hisagi warmed his hand with his breath. He wished that he could be home in his bed with his darling sub but he had to do his duty for his country. Though he thought it was a total bogus job, guarding the great wall of Seretei. But, hey! Rather a boring post that actually having to risk his life, right? Out of the blue he hears a screeching sound. Blue fills his vision and his helmet falls to the ground with a clatter. Shocked he turns and sees a cat, blue and very angry, beside his helmet that spit and hissed at him. It lets out a high pitched yowl that sent a cold shiver through the confused guard. Hearing a swishing sound from the side of the wall he turned to see a grappling hook fly over and connect. Hisagi ran over, looking over the side. An impossibly large amount of grappling hooks came changing towards him through the night.

"We're under attack! Light the signal", he screamed, running towards the guardhouse.

Before he reaches it the door slams open reveling two heavily armed men dressed in white. Hisagi threw himself at the ladder besides the door. The darker one of the men in white drew his sword smashing the ladder with a smooth move. Before Hisagi could fall to his doom he managed to grip the top of the roof. He heaved himself up grabbing the lit torch, he landed on his feet. Just as he raised the torch to light the oil filled caldron he spotted two hands on the edge of the tower. A brown-haired man jumped over the frame with ease. He's dressed in white, same style as the intruders the level below. Hisagi raised the torch once again meaning to throw it into the oil.

"Wait!" The other man commanded, his voice smooth and powerful. He reached into one of his pockets pulling out a circled shaped disk attached to a string.

"Em…?" Hisagi eyed, baffled, the strange man, he doesn't look that menacing, not with those square glasses anyway, wondering what he was up to.

"Now, look carefully at the disk", said the other man, his voice sleepy and the disk started to sway back and forth in his hand. "You'll now start to feel sleepy…" The man looked expectantly at Hisagi.

"Well… Not really" Hisagi laughs a little embarrassed; his free hand scratched the back of his head.

"Really? You feel nothing?"

Hisagi shakes his head. The man looked devastated, staring at the disk like it was its fault. Hisagi started to feel a little bad for the poor guy.

"Hey, listen", he said. "Maybe you should try again."

"You think so?" Brown eyes lit up with renewed hope. "Okay, now, look straight at the disk, try not to look way."

"Okay, I'm looking right at it" said Hisagi smiling a little. Suddenly he felt a pain on the back of his head and the world went dark.

As the guard fell to the ground, the torch rolled on the ground towards Aizen. He looked past the guard to the white-haired man perched on the wall, sword lifted.

"Captain, I don't think you're made to hypnotize people", Gin said sheathing his sword. "You should keep to what you know; killing, pillaging and the like."

"Really? But I have practiced; I really thought it would work this time."

"Maybe in your next life" Gin said.

"Yeah, you're probably right. But what if that guard just was really mentally strong?"

"For the love of justice!" Exclaimed the dark-skinned man that had just climbed the tower joining the other men. "Did you try to hypnotize another one?"

"Fine! I'll stop." Aizen proclaimed a little hurt pulling his glasses off. "Let's just get the show on the road".

Gin picked up the dropped torch and threw it in the cauldron. Flames burst up basking the tower with light. Further down the wall the men could see fires were being lit on top of the rest of the towers.

"Now all of Seretei knows we're here", Tosen said.

"Perfect", said Aizen as he warmed his hands by the fire. It -was- cold out after all.

A man wearing full armor with a red cape flowing behind him burst through the door of the central camber, flanked by two soldiers. He approached the Emperor's throne, bowed down as he reached it, black hair fell into his face. The soldiers bowed deeply, heads pressed on the red carpet. He then looked straight at the Emperor.

"Your Majesty, the Espadas have crossed our Nothern border", General Kuchiki said.

"Impossible! Traitors! No one can get through The Great Wall", Suì-Feng cried out with a loud voice.

"_What? Traitors? What is she babbling about?_" Soujun Kuchiki thought but out loud he said:

"Aizen is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately."

"No!" Emperor Yamamoto exclaimed forcefully. "Send your troops to protect my people. Suì-Feng."

"Yes, your highness."

"Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up all reserves and as many new recruits as possible."

"Forgive me your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him", said Soujun Kuchiki.

"I will not take any chances, General. A single slice of pizza can tip the scale. One dominant be the difference between victory and defeat."

Ichigo stuffed a pizza slice in his mouth.

"Quiet and demure… Graceful… Polite", he muttered as he chewed. "Delicate… Refined… Poised…" He swallowed, picked up a brush, dipped in ink and wrote the final word on his arm. "Punctual". He smiled obviously pleased with himself.

A crow crowed, choked, then crowed again.

"Aiya!" Ichigo jumped up from the bed. "Komamura! Komamura! You flee bitten little mutt! Where are you?"

A huge brown fox-looking dog crawled out from under the bed. How he fit under the thing will be one of life mysteries never to be answered.

"There you are" Said the strawberry-blond boy with a sigh. "Come on, you got work to do".

He grabbed a sack of grain and tied it around Komamuras waist. He then tied a stick on the dog's collar so it hanged in front of Komamuras face. On the other end he tied a Kaname doll on a string which the dog could not reach. Ichigo proceeded by opening the door and Komamura raced out spreading grain all over the yard. He passed the chickens and Zangetsu, the family horse. The horse snorted but the dog ignored him totally focused on the doll. He ran into the garden.

Ichigos father, Isshin, was kneeling in the small temple filled with the gravestones of the Kurosaki family's ancestors.

"Honorable ancestors, please help Ichigo impress the matchmaker today", he prayed out loud.

Komamura ran into the temple, rounded Isshin and was out again leaving only grain in his track. That track was soon filled with fat white chickens, cackling happily while they ate.

"Please, PLEASE, help him", he said desperate.

Ichigo ascended that stairs towards the temple carried with him a tray with a teapot and a cup. When he spotted Komamura sitting on his hind legs trying to reach the doll and the boy took pity on the dog. He helped Komamura reach the doll which he gladly took into his mouth and started to chew off its head.

"IIIICHIIIIGOOOOOOOO! My darling little sub! What are you still doing here?" Isshin cried out as he launched himself on the boy.

Ichigo snarled at his father, lifted one leg and planted a dainty foot right in his father's face.

"Goatface!" Ichigo yelled. "I almost dropped the fucking teapot!"

"OH! You look so beautiful today, just like your mother! Come and hug your old man"

He made another attempt to embrace his child. Ichigo quickly moved out of the way though the maneuver made the teacup fall off the tray and break into small pieces.

"Goatface!"

"I have a spare"

Isshin pulled a cup from the back of his shirt. Ichigo just growled and poured the tea.

"Remember what the doctor said, two cups of tea in the morning and three at night"

His father suddenly turned serious looking down on his son who was glancing up at him with a cute glare in his big honey brown eyes.

"Ichigo, you should already be in town. We're counting on you to up-"

"- Uphold the family honor. Don't worry father. I won't let mother down."

He pulled a little on his sleeve to cover the writing on his arm.

"Wish me luck!" He said before he turned and hurried down the stairs.

"Hurry!" His eyes followed his son as he exited the garden. "I'm going to… Pray some more", he said to himself.

Masaki prided herself with being a calm and poised woman but as she waited for her son she could not help to be worried. She was standing in front of the large bathhouse in the middle of town. The street was busy, filled with carts and horses that pulled up dust making it hard to see far. A black-haired woman with a braid that hanged in front of her poked out of the bath house.

"Masaki Kurosaki, is your son here yet?" she called out. "The matchmaker is not a patient man".

She went into the building again. Masaki was almost on the verge of pulling out her auburn hair.

"Of all days to be late", she said to herself. "I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck"

"How lucky can they be, they're dead," said a voice behind her. A blond man in a white-green striped hat grinned back at her. "Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need".

He pulled up a small wooden cage with a purple cricket inside.

"This is the chance to prove yourself", said Kisuke, he covered his eyes and stepped into the busy street.

"Grandpa NO!" screamed Masaki as she tried to grab the deranged man.

Riders pulled in the horses' rains trying to avoid the lunatic, the man barley escaped being trampled to death, carts crashed into each other making the insides fly over the street. Kisuke managed to cross the street and uncovered his eyes.

"Yep, this cricket's a lucky one!" he called out to his daughter-in-law. The cricket had fainted.

"Hah", Masaki only sighed in relief.

Then she saw a familiar sight through the dust. Her pretty son rode Zangetsu easily through the big collision, jumping over a cart, his long strawberry blond hair fluttered in the wind, small pieces of hay caught in of it. He gracefully jumped off and smiled big at his mother.

"I'm here!"

Masaki gave her son a stern look.

"What? But Mama I had to -"

"None of your excuses", she said as she grabbed hold of Ichigo's arm. "Now let's get you cleaned up".

They walked into the bath house and were met by the madams Unohana and Rangiku, the owners. The voluptuous blonde glided up to Ichigo. She looked him over.

"This is what you give me to work with?" She asked Masaki as she lifted his hay-filled hair. "Well, honey, I've seen worse."

She continued by almost tearing the poor boys clothes off and pushed him into the bath. Ichigo resurfaced, his body shaking.

"It's freezing", he burred.

"It would have been warm if you were here on time" replied Masaki.

She grabbed a sponge and started to clean one of his arms.

"Ichigo, what is this?"

Masaki had noticed his cheat notes. He quickly drew back his arm and gave her the puppy eyes.

"Ahh, notes, in case I forget something?"

"Here, hold this", said Kisuke, as he handed the cricket to Masaki. "We'll need more luck than I thought".

Ichigo glares at him as the blonde passes by. After he had been thoroughly cleaned and worsened his hydrophobia he was thrown into a long pale green undershirt that covered him to his knees. Rangiku led him to a different room where Unohana already sat waiting patiently. She rose as she saw the others enter and took Ichigo's hand with a kind smile.

"Wait and see dear child", reassured Unohana. "When we're through, Doms will gladly go to war for you."

Ichigo returned a nervous smile and sat down where Unohana had shown him. The two madams grabbed one part of his hair each and started to comb it. The hair was pulled into a complicated bun on the back of the boy's head. The women exchanged proud glances over his head and grabbed his upper arms, pulling him into a standing pose.

"Now, dressing-time", chirped Rangiku happily and pushed Ichigo towards the door.

They made quick progress, first a white under dress with a high collar, then a dark green wraparound robe. A large ocean blue obi that covered his chest and hips was held up by a pale blue belt that both madams pulled hard. It made his waist more pronounced.

"Must it really be this tight?" asked Ichigo with a frown.

He pulled slightly on the belt. Rangiku slapped his hand away.

"Of course, doms want subs with good taste", She said. "And after all, a waist is a horrible thing to waste."

Masaki and Ichigo left the bath house and entered a large courtyard where they saw other subs being prepared.

"Ichigo" Masaki glanced at her son who looked rather disheartened. "We all must serve the Emperor, our protector. Doms bear arms and we subs bear children."

"I know mother", said Ichigo softly. "I will not fail you."

"Don't worry, you'll bring honor to us all"

Masaki kissed her son on his temple and they continued up the stairs to the Orihime's Make-up and Cooking. A young sub popped up in front of them. She long red hair pulled back from her face by two small flower-shaped pins.

Are you here for lunch? She asked with big hopeful eyes that just begged them to say yes.

"No dear", Masaki said sweetly. "Not today, we're here to see Lisa"

Orihime smiled sadly but led them to the salon. When he was seated Lisa started to place powder on Ichigo's face. She carefully shaped his eyes with eye liner and lips with pink balm.

"There, all done", said Yuki.

She held up a mirror so he could see his reflection. He looked like a porcelain doll and with as much personality as one. Snorting he pulled down a single, short bang so it hung in front of his face, now more pleased.

"You look great, sweetheart", said Masaki proudly and put a flower comb in his hair.

"Not yet!" Kisuke exclaimed as he hurried in, throwing a black cat at Orihime. "A badge for protection".

He placed a skull-badge under Ichigo's obi. He then ties a jade necklace around the boy's neck.

"Beads of jade for beauty, you must proudly show it"

Kisuke raised his grandsons chin high with his hand.

"Now add a cricket just for luck", he continued placing the cage under the back of Ichigo's obi. "And even you can't blow it". He smacked the boy's tush.

"Perverted Hat n' clogs", muttered Ichigo.

He leaved the store and hurried to where the other subs had gathered outside the matchmaker's house. He and the rest crouched down under their parasols as they waited for the matchmaker.

The matchmaker slammed the double doors open with a bang. He stood proudly and gazed out on the subs. He had a black bob and was dressed in black with a strange orange turtle neck that would have made the Lonely Island proud. Pink feathers wavered as he glances at his check board.

"Hrm, Kurosaki Ichigo" he said with a frown.

"Here!"

Ichigo popped up, hand raised.

"Speaking without permission, how unbeautiful".

"Oops"

"Who spit in his sakecup?" Kisuke muttered to Masaki.

Hastily Ichigo walked into the Matchmaker's building and the matchmaker followed behind slamming the doors shut. Yumichika appraised the small red-blonde boy in front of him.

"Hmm… too skinny" said Yumichika jotting it down on his board.

Suddenly Ichigo noticed the cricked trying to escape. He struggled to catch it as Yumichika continued.

"Hmph, not good for bearing doms."

He turned around quickly and Ichigo threw the bug in his mouth to hinder its detection.

"Recite the final admonition"

Ichigo nodded and pulled out his fan hiding his mouth. He spit out the bug on the floor.

"Well, keeping me waiting is unpretty"

"Fulfill your duties calmly and re… f-"

He took a fast peek on the smeared writing on his arm.

"—spectfullt. Reflect before you snack" staggered he looked back at his arm. "Act! This will give you honor and glory."

Relieved he fanned himself. Not impressed the matchmaker snatched the fan and looked on both sides not finding anything. Ichigo sent him a big smile as he looked up. He grabbed the boy's arm pulling him to the low table in the middle of the room. Black in smeared on his hand from the notes.

"Hmm, now, pour the tea" Yumichika said as the pushed a teapot towards Ichigo. "To please your future in-laws you must demonstrate a sense of beauty…"

He smears ink around his mouth so it looked like a beard. Ichigo could only stare but then he noticed he was pouring tea on the table. Quickly he poured into the cup instead.

"… and grace. You must also be poised", the matchmaker continued.

Ichigo noticed that the darn bug was using the tea cup as a bath as Yumichika took it.

"Um, pardon me" Ichigo timidly said.

"And silent!"

He sniffed the tea and sighed. Ichigo, not wanting the man to drink the bug reached for the cup.

"Could I just take that back… one moment?"

He grabbed it but Yumichika refused to let it go. As they struggled the cup tipped, poured it's contain all over the man's turtleneck and somehow the insect managed to crawl into his clothes.

"Why you clumsy-"

The matchmaker suddenly felt the bug in his clothes. He started to jump around like in carameldansen.

"Wooo, wooo, woooooooo!"

Yumichika knocked over his pot of burning coal and managed to catch his hair on fire. Ichigo tried to help, he really did. He grabbed his fan and briskly fanned the charred area on the matchmaker's hair. But that caused it to flame up.

"AAARGH!" screamed Yumichika in panic.

Outside the anxious crowd could hear the shouts and screams inside.

"I think it's going well, don't you" Kisuke said to Masaki.

She gave him a doubting glance. A loud bang is heard and then the matchmaker runs out of the house.

"Put it out!" he screamed. "Put it out. Put it out! Put it OUT!"

Ichigo ran out, teapot in hand and threw the tea in Yumichika'a face. He managed to put out the fire but now the matchmaker had a burnt afro instead of a well combed bob. Ichigo gave him the pot, bowed and covered his face as he walked briskly toward Masaki and Kisuke.

"You are a disgrace!" yells Yumichika throwing the teaput on the ground. "You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honor!"

The townsfolk that had gathered to watch started to whisper then turned and walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

A smaller update... It was actually suppose to a short funny story, but hey! Whattaevera yo! Here! Have some durama! Couse I can…

* * *

><p>Ichigo walked through the gate that leads to his home leading Zangetsu. He had his head downcast dragging his feet. Isshin spotted his son and slapped the biggest grin on his face.<p>

"My wonderful SOOOON" he shouted running to do a flying kick.

He halted as he saw his son trying to hide behind the black horse. Ichigo led Zangetsu to the water. He looked down at his refection and sighed.

"I would never pass as the perfect bride, damn it", he mutters to himself.

He felt a sudden urge to bash something or sing out his inner pain. "_Where did that come from?_" To put some space between his father's unavoidable epic breakdown and himself he made his way to the garden. He sighed again and picked up the make-up remover tissue that Orihime had given him. It would be stupid to ruin a new robe by smearing make-up all over it. He walked up to the temple for the second time, though now without a spring in his step. As he went inside a shiver ran down his spine, it always felt as if he could see his ancestors' spirits in the corner of his eye. Which was ridiculous because spirits are not to be seen, heard or playing ping pong behind the temple. Bending down to bow for his deceased elders he saw his reflection on one of the gravestones. A pale thin face with big sad brown eyes looked back. He drew his finger over his straight nose down to a small pink mouth. Why could he not be like the other subs, why could he not accept that this was all there was for him. Be pretty and maybe be lucky enough to catch the eye of a strong dominant. Damn it! He was strong too! Ichigo had to leave the temple, he needed somewhere he could think alone and not be disturbed by dead relatives jabbering about how inadequate he was and in their time the subs where prettier, sunlight was brighter, rice was cheaper and dogs were normal-sized with a fetish for bones not Kaname-dolls. One of them had actually taken off their head and was petting it like a lapdog. Ew. Time to make like a tree and leave.

Shafts of light lit up the bench that Ichigo had chosen for his retreat. As he sat there under the cherry tree blossom he pondered about his life and the meaning in general. For some reason he could only think about the number 42 and towels. Lost in thought he did not notice Masaki approached. She cleared her throat a little and Ichigo looked up. Not wanting to see her sadness he turned away.

"My, what beautiful blossoms we have this year." Masaki said and sat down beside him. "Ah, but look there," Ichigo looked up to see what his mother was talking about. "This one is late. But I'll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all." They shared a smile. "Come here baby". Masaki pulled her son in an embrace petting his soft hair. "It's not the end of the world, we will figure something out." Sound of drums entered the garden.

"What is it?" Ichigo asked. Masaki got up and walked to the gate, Ichigo right at her heels. His father and Grandpa where already there.

"Ichigo, stay inside." Isshin ordered sternly, no sign of his normal goofiness. Kisuke cleared his throat catching Ichigo's attention and motioned towards the wall. He scaled it swiftly and poked his head over the wall watching the neighborhood gather around the strangers that held the empyreal flag.

"Citizens!" a short woman in black clothes and an armless white robe shouted. She must have had a strange sense of fashion if she actually went outside like that, with the longer part of her hair braided in two pigtails with large iron rings on each of its tips. The rest hung loose in bangs. "I bring you a proclamation from the Imperial City: the Espadas have invaded Seretei!"

*Insert cricket song*

"Enchiladas?" someone asked.

"Espadas moron!"

*Collective gasp*

"Noo!"

"By order of the Emperor, one Dominant from every family must serve in the Imperial Army," Suì-Feng continued. She looked down at her scroll.

"The Muguruma family" A large man with short grayish hair stepped up and accepts the conscription notice with a bow.

"The Outoribashi family" An elderly woman with a large gray streak in her black hair rammed her elbow into her son ribs.

"Ow, ehem, I mean, I will serve the Emperor in my mother's place." The long haired blond said. His mother smiles proudly.

"The Kurosaki family"

"No" Ichigo breathed.

Isshin walked proudly forward but his limp was noticeable. He bowed.

"I am ready to serve the Emperor," he said and reached for the notice. Ichigo threw himself in-between.

"Goatface, you can't go!"

"Ichigo!"

"Please Lady, my father has already fought bravely-".

Suì-Feng backhanded him making him almost fall over.

"Silence! You would do well to teach your son to hold his tongue in a dom's presence," she said coldly.

Isshin looked away.

"Ichigo, you dishonor me," he said.

Kisuke placed his hands tenderly on Ichigo's shoulders silently guiding him out of the way. Holding out the conscription notice to Isshin Suì-Feng said:

"Report tomorrow at the 6th camp".

"Yes, my Lady".

Isshin bowed, turned and walk back towards the gate refusing to look at anyone. The rest of the family members walk slowly back together as they listened to Suì-Feng continued to call out names:

"The Sarugaki family. The Hirako family. The Aikawa fa…"

* * *

><p>Before dinner Ichigo walked softly through the hallway. He slowed in as he saw it was light in his father's armory. Sneaking a peek through the door he watched as his father draw his sword slowly. He took a battle stance and skillfully moved around the room. Then, when he balanced on his right leg, it cramped up and he fell. He tried to stand up but the pain in his leg was too much. Ichigo pressed himself against the wall, horrified. Before his father could notice he was there he was already on his way towards the dining hall.<p>

The whole family sat around the dinner table. They ate in silence, thunder and the heavy rain could be heard from the outside. Ichigo poured tea giving a cup to his father then poured one for himself. He saw his reflection in the cup, he frowned. He threw the table.

"You shouldn't have to go!" he yelled.

Isshin had the misfortune of sitting in the way of an Ichigo-thrown table and did not answer. Kisuke giggled a little.

"Ichigo!" Masaki called out. "How many times have I told you to stop throwing tables, it is not suitable for a young sub!"

"…Sorry…"

"Maaaasakiiiiii, what have I done to deserve such a brutal son!" Isshin had managed to return the table in its proper placement and was now crying in this wife's lap. "He's so mean to meeeeeeeeeee!"

"There, there" Masaki petted his head lightly.

"There are plenty of young doms to fight for Seretei." Ichigo continued.

"It is an honor to protect my country and my family" Isshin answered now sitting straight and serious.

"So you'll die for honor then!"

"I will die for what is right."

"But if you-" began Ichigo. Isshin cut him off.

"I know my place, it is time you learned yours."

Ichigo looked like he was going to cry, but before the tears fall he outside in the rain that covered it with its own drops.

* * *

><p>So saaaad. Poor little Ichi-baby! :'(<p>

I made fun of Suì-Feng's hairdo, but I mean come on! She's a freaking ninja with iron rings in her hair! It's like using nun-chucks as a ribbon! But she's so cool, only a little annoying, chotto annoyingo ^^ But if I could find it I would totally buy a nun-chuck ribbon. I would be the coolest on the street yo! AND wiggle it!I wanna do sex scenes, why I so slow, I wolk so hald!


	3. Chapter 3

Ichigo sat there, at the base of the Great Stone Dragon, slowly looking more like a drowned cat by the minute. He watched his parents enter their bedroom through the window. Isshin grabbed Masaki's hand but she turned away and walk out of sight. His father looked devastated but blew out the light and it goes dark. Ichigo gathered his resolve, he needed to do this. To protect his family  
>Quickly he walked up the stairs to the temple, lit an incense stick and left it in its holder. He bowed and then left. Sneaking into his parents' room he picked up the conscription notice on his father's nightstand and left the flower comb in its place. He looked once more at his mother's light snoring figure and Isshin's drooling one before he walked out. In the armory he opened the cabinet which held the armor. Using his father's sword he sliced though his hair, leaving it a short spiky mess. He made quick work of the armor and placed the sword in the scabbard draped over his shoulder.<br>Leaving the house he walked to the stable. The wind took hold of the door as he opened it causing a deafening bang. Zangetsu looked at him, nodding in approval. The horse took the boy, leading him to the ground. Ichigo allowed himself one last look at the house before he sat up on Zangetsu and rode though the gate towards the camp.

Kisuke woke up with a start. Something was wrong. He ran into Isshin's and Masaki's room. In his hurry he even forgot his hat.

"Ichigo is gone!"

"What?" said Isshin groggy. "It can't be." He looked at his night stand, the flower comb now lying there innocently. Terror now filling his chest he ran the armor cabinet but finds it empty. His son is gone. He rushed to the court yard.

"ICHIGO!" He saw only the gates that swung in the wind. His leg injury made itself known and he tumbled to the ground. Masaki hurried to her husband's side kneeling down beside him.

"You must go after him. He could be killed!" she ushered.

Isshin only shook his head.

"If I reveal him, he will be."

They hugged, seeking comfort in each other's arms.

Kiskuke watched the couple in front of him. His own grief squeezing his heart.

"Ancestors, hear out prayer: Watch over Ichigo."

Isshin and Masaki looked at him.

"What?"

"You are not wearing your hat"

"Oh..."

* * *

><p>A gust of air blew out the incense Ichigo had lit in the family temple. The center grave stone's writing began to glow. The spirit of the First Ancestor came forward. His long white hair flowed around him as he gently rested in the air.<p>

"Rukia, awaken" he said tenderly. "Rukia dear, time to wake up."

The incense holder starts to come to life and grew into a short girl with shoulder-length black hair. She quickly bowed one fist and one knee on the ground.

"Good evening Lord Ukitake, Sir!" she said eagerly. "Tell me what mortal needs my protection and I'm there!"

"Oh, I do not think that will be necessary, Rukia. Just wake the other ancestors if you would be so kind."

Rukia looked a bit dampen when she took the gong and held it over her head.

"Spirits I call thou fourth. Hear my plea and re-enter the world once again. I -"

"Rukia, the enchantment is not needed."

"But it sets the mood" she used the puppy pout.

"Just ring it please."

"Sir!" and she hit it.

The rest of the grave stones in the temple started to glow and the rest of the ancestors awakened for the meeting.

"I knew it! I knew it! The Enchiladas have gone bad! We should have eaten it when we had the time!" said a uniquely dressed man with short dreads.

"Don, the meeting is about Ichigo and his recent "brilliant" idea of becoming a warrior", a well endowed woman with one arm said.

"Don't look at me, Koukaku *hick* I think the boy should loosen up and this might do it." A highly intoxicated brown haired man in a pink robe burped out.

"Oh, yes, right or just punch him really hard," she replied and took a mouthful of Shunsui's spirit. (His drink, not himself…) "Oooh, good stuff!"

"ANYHOW, I believe he is only trying to help his father" interrupted a young white-haired boy, his sea colored eyes blazing.

Popping out of thin air pencil thin young man objected:

"But, if he is discovered, Isshin will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate. Quincys will never get the respect they deserve!"

"Not to mention they'll lose the wine cellar *ahem* the house!" injected Shunsui

"My children never caused such trouble. They all became mediums," said Don twining his mustache.

"Well, we can't all be mediums!" griped Ishida pushing his glasses up with his middle finger.

"No, your great grandson had to be a cross-dresser!" yelled Koukaku.

They all jumped at each other's throats. Ukitake sighed.

"Rukia, go and wake the Great Stone Dragon, I think this might take a while." The two of them just looked at the full blown brawl in front of them. She bowed and left the temple.

* * *

><p>In the garden she spotted the same stone dragon Ichigo was sitting by the night before.<p>

_Okay now Rukia. You can do this! First assignment as an assistant spirit guardian here I come! Fight-O! _She threw her hand forward and pulled it back to her chest in a fist á la Yankumi-style. Pepped she walked up to it hitting her gong hard.

"Yo, wake up! You go to get Ichigo!"

She paused, nothing happened.

"C'mon boy, go get him!"

"…."

"Em, hello"

"….."

"!"

Tiring she kicked its butt. It crumbed leaving only the head.

"Uh oh"

"Crap, they're gonna kill me!"

"Great Stone Dragon, have you awaked" Ukitake called out through the temple window.

_Think Rukia, think! _Grabbing hold of the dragon's head she held it over the shrubbery herself hiding behind it.

"Uuuuh, yes, I just woke up," she faked a bass voice. "I am the Great Stone Dragon. Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Ichigo. Did… did I mention I was the Great Stone Dragon?"

"Go, the fate of the Kurosaki family rests in your claws," said Ukitake.

"Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face."

And with that said she promptly dropped the dragonhead down the hill hitting a Ming vase on its way down.

"Oops… Now what? I'm doomed! And all because dom-wannabe decides to take his little drag show on the road."

The lucky cricket that had followed Ichigo jumped up on Rukia's shoulder.

"Chirp, chirp."

"Go get him? What's the matter with you? After this stone mess, I'd have to bring him home with a medal to get back into the temple! Wait a minute, that's it! I make Ichigo a war hero and they'll be bowing down to me! I'll be made a guardian for sure!" She sprinted off towards the camp.

* * *

><p>I must say, I thought I wouldn't be such an attention whore but I really Love all ya comments. It makes misa so happi! Someone actually liked something I wrote *cries* I was gonna to update every day but I actually had to work… at work! Don't look at me like that, I usually work from home. My uniform is my pajamas. Envy me!<p>

Shrubbery, such a great word. Monty python anyone? I think I'll add it to my favorite word-list. So far I have monocle, poncho and constipation…. Anyhoo, feel updated!


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello again, my high is long time gone so the story will be more serious from now on…. Not! But I changed the summery again, so it will be more fitting, like spandex. But seriously, I can touch my nose with my toe! Enjoy! _

The thundering sound of thousand of steeled horse hooves echoed between the cliffs. The pale moonlight had been covered by thin clouds but it was getting closer to dawn, the light from the horizon was more than adequate.

Aizen raised his hand, pulled his reins with the other to hold in his horse. The army stopped behind him, white puffs came from horses hand men alike. He motion to the left and Gin, Tosen and Stark dismounted to walk into the forest. Or Gin and Tousen walked into the forest, Stark more or less fell asleep where he stood. They returned pulling two men clad in Imperial armor. They were thrown before the rest of the army.

"Imperial scouts", Tousen gestured towards the men on the ground.

Aizen smiled, it did not reach his eyes. He dismounted and approached the scouts. The blond scout pulled back and hissed: "Aizen".

Aizens smile grew a few teeth wider and crouched down in front of them.

"Nice work, gentlemen. You found the Espada army".

The army laughed crudely.

"The Emperor will stop you." Said the dark haired scout with thin sunglasses and a likewise thin mustache.

Aizen grabbed him by his rope, pulling him to his feet.

"Stop me? He invited me. By building the wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I am here to play." Making use of his surprising strength he threw the scout to the ground. In a smooth motion he drew his sword and pointed it at the blond, droopy-eyed scout. "Go! Tell your emperor to send his strongest armies."

The blond wasted not a second, grabbed his fellow scout and began to run.

Smiling he glanced at Gin. "How many med does it take to deliver one message?"

Releasing his own sword Gin answered:

"One."

…ooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooo…..

Ichigo stood in a clearing of the bamboo forest close to the camp. Zangetsu chewed sluggishly on a grass straw as he watched the boy anxiously walk back and forth.

"Okay, how's this? Ahem! Excuse me, where do I sign in? Hah! I see you have a sword. So do I. They are very dom-like and tough." To prove his point, he tried to draw it, fumbled and it fell to the ground. Zangetsu snorted and Ichigo was sourly tempted to throw his shoe at the animal but knowing the horse's temper it might be the last thing he did.

"I'm fucking working on it!" Then his anger deflated.

"Who am I fooling? It's going to take a miracle to get me into the army. "

Suddenly flames arose behind a rock and a shadow of a hulking monster was cast.

"Did I hear someone ask for a miracle? Let me hear you say aye!" The monster roared out.

"Aaaah" Ichigo yelped and hid behind Zangetsu.

"Close enough"

"A monster"

"Get ready Ichigo, your salvation is at hand. For I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through this masquerade. Heed my word, 'cause if the army finds out that you are a sub, the penalty is death." Large flames shot up around the shadow at the last word.

"Who are you?" Said Ichigo, now peeking up from behind Zangetsu's back.

"Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls. I am the powerful, the mighty, and artistically gifted…." The shadow stepped out from behind the rock. "Rukia!" A short, skinny girl with straight hair and none of the abilities she had just mentioned stood in front of the two shocked males.

"Pretty hot, huh?"

Zangetsu snorted again and with lost interest began to chew. Ichigo with almost as much interest asked the guardian.

"My ancestors sent a midget to help me?"

"Hey! I'm fun sized for your information, and I have powers beyond your mortal comprehension, now do you want my help or not?"

"Sorry, I'm just nervous. I've never done anything like this before." He said trying to appease the small girl.

"Then you got to trust me! Now, let's get this show on the road yeah?"

…oooooooo0000**OOO**00000ooooooooo…

"Are you sure no one can see you" Ichigo asked for the tenth time. He and the rest stood behind one of the camp's tents.

"Yes, normal humans can't see me, now show off you dom walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up." She pushed him out into the open. "Strut your stuff!"

Ichigo walk strangely through the camp, drawing the attention of all around of him but he reached the tent in the middle of the camp without incident.

Inside the tent he saw a man picking his nose and a woman using chopsticks to remove dirt from between her toes.

"Ah, beautiful isn't it" Rukia said from behind him.

"They're disgusting."

"No, they're doms. And you are going to act just like them so pay attention."

They come to a stop at the sign in line. The two of men in front of him made him feel what Rukia must feel all the time. They were enormous. One dark skinned with kind eyes and wavy brown hair and the other had a freaky hairdo. It was pulled into long spikes and had bells at its tips. The man fit the hair, scary grin and a scar over his left eye. Apparently they were with a guy with a shiny globe for a head and strange red markings on his eyelids. The three of them were talking to a man with crimson hair pulled into a ponytail. He had tattoos in his face and was showing off a tattoo on his chest. It was a bunny. Rukia drooled.

"Look, this tattoo will protect me from harm."

The spiked haired man seemed to think for a moment then punched the other man in the stomach. The bald man screeched in laughter.

"I hope you can get your money back!"

Ichigo stared in utter amazement as the scary man kissed his fist.

"I don't think I can do this."

Rukia pulled her eyes from the rabbit.

"It's all about the attitude. Be tough like this guy." She gestured to violent man who now hocked up a loogie and spat.

The man noticed the boy looking.

"What are you looking at?"

"Punch him, that's how doms say 'hello'." Rukia offered.

Ichigo looked at his fist then punched the man from behind on the shoulder. The force of the blow caused him to run into the kind looking man.

"Oh, Kenpachi, you made a friend." The brown haired man smiled at Ichigo.

"Now, slap him on the behind, they like that." Rukia ordered

Ichigo, now in the zone did just that.

"Wu hoo hooo" Kenpachi moved fast like a snake grabbing Ichigo by the collar pulling him so he stood on his toes. "I'm going to hit you so hard it'll make your ancestors dizzy!"

"Ken, relax. He is just a boy…" The dark skinned man looked at Ichigo, now really seeing him. "And so cute too…" Ichigo involuntary blushed fiercely. Kenpachi frown.

"Aaah you're right Chad. You aren't worth my time midget," he said as he brushed past Ichigo. Rukia who had gotten distracted by the bunny tattoo again reacted to the m-word.

"MIDGET! Say that to my face ya hedgehog freak," she screamed. This has apparently heard by all the mortals but since they couldn't see her they just assumed.

With a roar Kenpachi grabbed Ichigo again, raising his fist. Before the fist hits home Ichigo ducked. The bald man was not as lucky.

"Sorry, Ikkaku. Hey!" Kenpachi noticed Ichigo trying to crawl away and grabbed his ankle. Ikkaku kicked Kenpachi on the butt causing him to land on Chad's stomach. Ikkaku follows by jump attack Ichigo, but he ducked again and the bald man landed on Kenpachi on top of Chad.

"You're dead!" Ikkaku screamed and punched Kenpachi in the face. Ichigo and Rukia make their escape. Before Kenpachi can retaliate Ikkaku noted Ichigo's disappearance.

"Oh, there he goes".

Ichigo ran through the tent and the three men followed. Kenpachi, Ikkaku and Chad ran out of the tent. Ken spotted the line of soldiers that were waiting for food right in front of them and stopped dead. Ikkaku skidded to a stop behind him but Chad distracted by thoughts of the pretty boy they were chasing crashed into the line like a truck on ice. That created a domino effect causing the entire line to fall forward, knocking over the pot of rice porridge and the cook behind it. Ichigo who had hidden behind the tent flap looked out to see if his followers had gone. The line looked back and spotted Ichigo being the one standing. Ichigo yet again found himself the victim of too quickly thought assumptions. The mob gathered and was making itself angrily over to him.

"Hey…" Ichigo offered meekly.

…**…**

In a tent not so far away Suí-Feng watched and then walked back into the tent. She looked over at the men sitting in the middle of the tent with a map between them. General Kuchiki used a pointer on the map as he talked.

"The Espadas have struck here, here and here. I will take the main troops up to the Lao Suzhou pass and stop Aizen before he destroys this village here."

"What an excellent strategy, Sir. The traitors won't know what hit them," said Suí-Feng.

"_What's with traitors and this woman", _General Kuchiki thought but out loud he said:"You will stay here and train the new recruits. When Suí-Feng believes you're ready, you will join us… Captain." He handed his son a sword.

"Captain?" Asked Byakuya surprised.

"Oh, this is an enormous responsibility, General. Em, perhaps a soldier with more experience…." Suí-Feng protested.

"Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques," General Kuchiki muses stroking his chin. "An impressive military lineage. I believe Kuchiki Byakuya will do an excellent job."

"Oh, I will! I won't let you down," Byakuya said excited "This is, I mean, I… Yes Sir!" He ended somberly.

"Very good then," General Kuchiki said as he stood up. "We'll toast Seretei's victory in the Imperial City." He looked over at Suí-Feng. "I'll expect a full report in three weeks." Then he exited the tent.

"And I will not leave anything out," she said before she too exited the tent.

Byakuya tied the sword to his hip as he dreamed out loud:

"Captain Kuchiki Byakuya, hmmm, leader of Seretei's finest troops. No the greatest troops of all time. He, he."

He walked out of the tent to join the other two, only to see the all out brawl the recruits were in. A crimson haired man stubbles by and salutes the three before he passes out on the ground. General Kuchiki just stepped over the man and mounted his horse.

"Most impressive," said Suí-Feng.

"Good Luck, Captain" General Kuchiki said before the left with his ridden army.

"Good luck, Father," Byakuya said quietly to himself. He then looks over to the troops hand sighed.

Suí-Feng smirked and with brush and board in hand said, "Day one."

"Soldiers!" Shouted Byakuya.

All recruits backed away revealing Ichigo curled into a ball.

"He started it!" they all yelled.

Byakuya approached Ichigo and looked down at him. Ichigo peeked out between his arms, saw Byakuya and quickly got up dusting himself off.

"I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp!"

"Sorry" Ichigo timidly began, then remembering where he was. "Um, I mean, sorry you had to see that. You know how it is when you get those urges and you just have to kill something, fix things… uh, cook outdoors..?"

"What's your name?"

"Ah… I.. Uh, I… em…" Ichigo stumbled.

Suí-Feng stepped into his personal space "Your commanding officer just asked you a question."

Ichigo back up. "I've got a name. And it's a doms name too."

Rukia, now had appeared beside him decided to be helpful.

"Ikkaku, how abou Ikkaku?"

"His name is Ikkaku" Ichigo motioned to Ikakku in the crowd.

"I did not ask for his name. I asked for yours," Byakuya growled vein popping.

"Try, un, ah, Chu" said Rukia

"Ah Chu," Ichigo copied

"Ah Chu?" Byakuya asked.

"Bless you! Ha ha, I kill myself," giggled Rukia.

"Rukia," Ichigo whispered.

"Rukia?" Byakuya was getting really confused.

"No," answered Ichigo.

"Then what is it!"

"Shiro! Shiro was my best friend growing up!" Rukia exclaimed.

"It's Shiro," said a now very relived Ichigo.

"Shiro," Byakuya's eyebrow rose.

"Of course Shiro did steal my one of a kind Chappy the Rabbi…" Ichigo punched her.

"Yes, my name is Shiro."

Byakuya held out his hand. "Let me see your conscription notice." Ichigo handed him the notice.

"Kurosaki Isshin, -The- Kurosaki Isshin?" He looked up surprised.

"I did not know Kurosaki Isshin had a dominant child," Suí-Feng said.

"Um, well…. He doesn't talk about me much," Ichigo said and tried and failed at spiting on the ground. The recruits laughed crudely.

"I can see why, the boy's an absolute lunatic," said Suí-Feng.

Byakuya pulling himself out of the daze he put himself in trying to understand the boy in front of him.

"Okay recruits, thanks to your new friend Shiro, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. And tomorrow, the real work begins."

The mob growled at Ichigo.

"You know… We really have to work on you people skills", Rukia whispered.

….…..

_I've started celebrating Christmas in the beginning of October so it felt really weird to have Halloween right in the middle of everything. Though it was nice with a little champagne and blood. Also I tried to make my pasta blue today, it did not work… Maybe that's how it is with life…._

.


	5. Chapter 5

Yes! It's here! The waiting is over! Of course I'm talking about Guild Wars 2!

Oh I have updated as well…. After 5 months… Anyhoo, I really appreciated everyone who has reviewed, faved story/writer and so on! This is for you:

* * *

><p>The sun was slowly dragging herself over the horizon. It was the beginning of a beautiful day. In a poorly risen tent in the outskirts of the camp a young guardian-in-training stood over her charge. The scowl he had started to use awake was smoothed out in his sleep, reveling an endearing pout. Rukia just wanted to pinch those cheeks. Which she of course did, startling the boy conscious.<p>

"Rise and shine, cuteness!" Ichigo just groaned and fell back in his bedding pulling his covers over his head. Rukia smiled, grabbed the blanket pulling it off him entirely. Cold attacked him from all fronts.

"Get dressed, I made you breakfast, rice porridge!" Having no fond memories of that dish he tried to control his bed head instead.

"Am I late?" he asked as he went for a stray sock.

"No time to talk," she said while shoving food in a reluctant sub. "Now remember, listen to your teacher and no fighting. Play nice with the other children and if someone tries to molest you, then you have to kick them between their legs."

"I don't wanna kick anyone," Ichigo mumbled with his mouth full of food.

"Don't talk with your mouth full. Let's see your war face!" Ichigo looked like a chipmunk caught off guard in a bathhouse.

"Oh dear, I think my Chappy the bunny slippers ran for cover. C'mon! Scare me, boy!"

Ichigo swallowed and pounced her. "Raarrr!"

"There's my tough warrior! Now get out there and make me proud."

…ooooo00000OOOOO000000oooooo….

The recruits had vaguely assembled around their captain's tent. Suì-Feng walked in front of them, tapping her brush on her pad.

"Order people, order!"

"I'd like paneng," a recruit yelled out.

"Sweet shrimps with melon bread," Chad called out. Ikkaku and Kenpachi laughed.

"Sake!" Ikkaku bellow.

"That's not funny," Suì-Feng growled.

Wiping tears from his eye Ikkaku spotted a sore sight. The beautiful boy that had started the fight last night came running towards them.

"Looks like our new friend slept in this morning." Ikkaku waved as Ichigo came to stand next to him. "Hellooo Shiro, hungry?"

"Yeah, cause I hunger for a fight," smiled Kenpachi as he grabbed the boy's shirt pulling back his other arm. Ichigo's first reaction was to hide his face in his hands. The surrounding recruits were gathering around them itching for a fight.

"Soldiers!" The captain had emerged from the tent and hoping to hinder a repetition of yesterday.

The recruits lined up quickly. Byakuya walked in front them scarf caught in an improbable wind. He picked up a bow and quiver of arrows.

"You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning," he said as he walked down the line. "Anyone who acts otherwise will answer to me."

"Ooooh, ya looking for a fight?" Kenpachi taunted. Byakuya eyed the taller man with skepticism. Suddenly he drew the bow, arrow pointing at Kenpachi's heart. As one the rest took a step back leaving Kenpachi alone in front.

"Kenpachi," the captain said with a smile. "Thank you for volunteering." He turned around and shot the arrow into the top of a very high pole. "Now, retrieve the arrow."

"Heh," the large man snorted. "I'll get that arrow, without those sissy clothes." He quickly threw off his shirt. Ichigo's eyes widen as he took in the man's great physique, he would have started drooling if he hadn't caught himself. "And afterwards, we're gonna have ourselves a fight, pretty boy." He crouched down to start with a jump

"One moment, you seem to be missing something." Suì-Feng brought out a large box barley being able to carry it. Byakuya opened it and took out a large iron disk with a hole in the middle. A cloth rope was attached through the hole. He held it high over his head.

"This represents discipline," he said at full volume so the rest of the recruits could hear. He hung it around Kenpachi's right wrist. His muscles flexed at the surprising weight of the disk. And the sissy boy held it like it was nothing! Byakuya lifted the other disk out of the box.

"And this represents strength." He smiled a little when he hung it around the other's arm. Kenpachi let out a small gasp at the weight. Growling for have shown such weakness he suck it up and jumped up the pole. He managed to get quite far but couldn't get a good grip around it, especially not with the weight hindering him so he slid down towards the ground. That might have been horrible for the man but no one else could get the arrow either. When Ichigo walked past the captain rubbing his behind, which he had fallen on trying out the pole, the captain only sighed and muttered:

"We have a long way to go."

And so it went on as the training continued. When they were training simple combat with staffs, which surprisingly Ikkaku was really good at, Kenpachi tripped Ichigo with his own staff making it look like he fell. Ikkaku put a cricket inside his shirt making him flop around hitting other recruits randomly. Byakuya intervened, though even he took a hit to the stomach.

In archery they were supposed to throw up apples and pin them to a tree. Everyone was failing miserably. Ichigo thought he had gotten quite good at getting the targets up and was ready to shoot when Rukia stuck an apple on his arrow before he could. Shocked he paused and Byakuya spotted him. Ichigo flashed was he hoped to be an innocent smile but Byakuta looked at him with disdain.

In advanced staff training Byakuya showed them first by balancing a bucket filled with water on his head. When the recruits throw rocks at him he gracefully reflexed all the stones. When Ichigo tried he wobbled with the bucket and tipped it over his head when he tried to avoid the rocks.

Survival training was almost the worst. With lightning speed Byakuya chopped into the water and grabbed a fish. Eagerly Ichigo tried but grabbed Kenpachi's ankle and surprisingly managed to trip him. Rukia waved from shore trying to give him a fish she caught. He ignored her and Kenpachi chased him through camp.

Then was the time when he blew up Suì-Feng's tent severely burning her pigtails. That hadn't been his fault either; Ikkaku had kicked down the support structure for his cannon when he was distracted by Chad who was smelling his hair. Seeing that Ichigo's was the only one lit he of course got the blame and Byakuya had glared at him the entire evening.

But in the strength test, that has completely on him. They had been marching up a mountain path carrying Ichigo's hated food, rice, in bags and Ichigo just couldn't keep up. Living as a submissive from a good standing family; he hadn't been expected to do any heavy lifting. Not that had stopped him from helping out but there was a difference of working in the field and lifting a bulk of hay for Zangetsu once in a while. Falling more behind struggling to place one foot in front of the other he tripped. He barely managed to break his fall with his hands before his face became one with the ground. When Suì-Feng alerted the captain when he fell behind so Byakuya had kept close watch and when Ichigo finally fell he took Ichigo's bags of rice adding them to his and returned to the troops. No words needed as Ichigo saw his disappointment. Rukia tried to comfort him.

When he finally made it back to camp, the sun was already down and Byakuya was there waiting for him.

"You don't have what it takes, go home." Byakuya's cold voice made the words sting harder. He handed Zangetsu's reigns to Ichigo. "You are a disgrace that I won't let fall upon the army." He walked away, scarf flicking in a non-excitant wind.

"Fuck!" Ichigo was close to tears. If he couldn't even pass training how was he to bring honor to his mother… Em… Family, right. Bring honor to his moth- Family! He had to do something! Something spectacular. Something no other recruit has done. Looking up he saw the huge pole that no one has been able to reach the arrow. Picking up the weights, he tied them around his wrists. Though they still were heavy, they were a lot lighter than they had been the first time he picked them up. Jumping up he tried to grab hop of the pole but he fell off after a second. Ichigo was just glad the weights didn't hit him when he fell. Putting weights on cloth rope seemed quite stupid. Cloth rope! He held up a weight. Idea! Tying the weights together and looped the cloth around the pole he could hold on to it as he pulled himself up the pole. Sure it was hard but he was, bloody hell, motivated. As the sun rose the recruits came out from their tents. When they saw what Ichigo was doing they couldn't help but to cheer on. When Ichigo's footing slipped, almost at the top a short girl with blond pigtails yelled at him to stop being a baldy and pull himself up. Deciding not to yell back that she was an idiot and possibly blind, he found a better grip and pulled himself all the way up.

After Byakuya had spent a ridiculous amount of time of his hair he walked out of his tent. It was only his years of training on heightening his senses that helped him avoid the arrow thrown right at his head. Ducking quickly and silently cursing the movement that mess up an hour's work on making his hair fall flat. He looks up to see the really annoying Shiro sitting on top of the pole with the weights tossed over his shoulders.

"Sorry about that! But pulling myself up all this way has made my muscles twitchy," he yelled.

"Kurosaki Shiro, you are an idiot." Byakuya growled and the kid looked like he was going to cry, sigh. "But you completed a task I though was impossible for someone like you. Good work. Recruits! I hope you will take after Shiro's example!"

Shiro's smile shined with gratitude and not for the first time Byakuya wondered what the gods were thinking making someone that pretty a dom.

One could say that Ichigo was what inspired that troops to not suck but really it was the training finally paying off. Ikkaku got really good with a spear and made even the stone cold Suì-Feng look impressed. Chad could break rocks with his fist and Kenpachi was still bat shit mad and tried to chop other recruits' arms off. Ichigo might not be that strong but he was fast and flexible and even gave Byakuya a run for his money in hand to hand combat.

It wasn't only in training the recruits had changed but also their attitude towards Ichigo. Chad had always been nice to him, in that creepy stalker kind of way, but now Ikkaku didn't try to trip him every time he walked by and Kenpachi had started following him around claiming he wanted a fight, though the look in his eyes was completely different. All in all, Ichigo couldn't decide if he liked the way they now, but one thing was certain; Byakuya didn't look at him like he was something the cat coughed up.

…..ooooooo000000000000oooooooo…

Gin cut down a treetop. The one Stark had decided to sleep in. He didn't defy gravity and fell like a sleeping man from a tree. The fall didn't wake him but he stopped snoring. Aizen and Tousen looked at him and shrugged.

"So, as I was saying. Grimmjow found this." Aizen held up a Kaname doll. Tousen smacked his forehead.

"For justice sake! I knew that stupid bet was going to bite me in the arse!" Gin nodded.

"Who knew a Seireitei merchant would buy that doll, mass-produce it and make it into a huge hit. You're practically famous." Tousen walked away, muttering about righteousness and that he was never going to drink again.

"Are you going to make him sulk every time we stumble over that doll?" Aizen asked.

"Sorry, Aizen-sama." He didn't look sorry. He actually looked like he met the sub of his dreams and they were so very glad to see him.

"Anyhow, could you get Szayel for me? I need to know where Grimmjow got it from." Gin skipped away and back dragging a very agitated pink haired man carrying a huge briefcase.

"Looky Aizen-sama. Found Sza-Sza-kun for you!" The pink haired man pulled his arm out of Gin's grip.

"Aizen-sama." He bowed.

"Here, this doll. What can you say about it." Szayel pushed up his glasses with his middle finger.

"I would say that is the result of a drunken night with Tousen-sama and a bet." Tousen who had decided to rejoin the leaders turned on his heel and walked away again, making angry gestures as he grumbled.

"Well, yes. But I was thinking more like what about this doll especially."

"Aha! Okay, well stand back everyone." He placed the briefcase on the ground and pushed a button. It buzzed and cracked open releasing very dramatic smoke effects. The two sides flopped down to the ground and out of it rose a lab complete with coat and protective glasses.

"Could Aizen-sama be so kind and give me the doll." Aizen did so and Szayel went all Dexter on it.

"This doll contains Black pine, most likely from the mountains we're next to, white horse hair from the Imperial stallions and Sulfur, from cannons." Aizen smiled.

"This Kaname came from a village in the Long Trong Gong Pass and there are the Imperial Army waiting for us." Gin opened his eyes a marginal.

"We could just avoid them." Azien's eyes glinted.

"No, that's the fastest way and I don't want to get my shoes wet in the swamp we would have to go through instead. Also I like the scenery more and my hair gets frizzy when it's humid. So all in all it is better for me that we take the mountain pass. Oh yes, a sub is missing their doll. We should give it back." And he cackled madly and every espada wondered if it was that good of an idea following someone so… disturbed.

* * *

><p>Thank you everyone who read this and special thanks to:<p>

Rock4Rox

The weasel is MINE XP

Demonlifehealer

Shadow-way

Vednilla

Purplechicken21

AnjoRemix

Awsome tomboy

Brookie cookie17

Duchesscarml

Adb

It's their many pleas for me to update that made me crack under pressure and write some more. See ya in 5 months!

I'm kidding, 4,5 tops!


	6. Chapter 6

_How yuh doing? Feel up-dated and such!_

_I want to take precious time from you to thank everyone who had reviewed and threatened me into writing! Yeeeaaah for life threats on the interspace!_

* * *

><p>"This is not a good idea. What if someone sees me?" Ichigo was reluctantly pushed towards the lakeshore by Rukia. She began pulling at his clothes.<p>

"Just because you look like a dom does not mean you should smell like one." She had managed to pull off his shirt now and wasted no time on starting with his pants.

"But – ah – wouldn't I fit in more if I smell like them?" She had pulled down his pants and reached for his underwear.

"Not when you live under my tent, you're not!" Ichigo evaded her attempts of pulling off the last piece of his clothing.

"I'll do it myself!" He turned his back to her showing off the black shard of yin, which every virgin submissive had between their shoulder blades. After the completion of sexual intercourse the faint sign of yang would complete the circle. Dominants had it too; only reverse, as their shards were yang.

Completely undressed he walked into the lake. After a quick dip he began his return. Rukia stood on the shore, posed like an angry house-sub with a fist on her hip and an imaginary rolling pin held over her head.

"You better not think you're getting up before you are all pruny and stuff!" Ichigo sighed but swam further out again.

"You'd better stand watch!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Stand watch, while I blow our secret with your stupid ghost habits of cleanliness." Ichigo grumbled. "Do ghosts still keep their sense of smell? That seems stupid. Maybe it's a guardian thing?"

Lost in thought Ichigo missed the loud shouts coming from the camp. They came closer but not even Rukia heard them, she had gotten bored of being the lookout and had begun drawing in the sand. She finally noticed the men running towards the lake when she was hit in the face by a pair of boxers with hearts on them.

"Crap…"

Ichigo was pulled from his mind when he was hit by the tidal wave created by Chad, Kenpachi and Ikkaku jumping into the lake at the same time.

"Crap…"

Ichigo ducks into the water, and tried to hide behind a large rock. It was meaningless since Ikkaku already seen him.

"Hey, Shiro!" Ikkaku stood, showing off an impressive set of muscles as he waved at Ichigo. Ichigo peeked out from behind the rock. Ikkaku's head was really shiny when wet.

"Oh, hi guys! I didn't see you…" Chad and Ikkaku shared confused looks. "I was dirty, now I'm clean so I'll go now." Ichigo grabbed a lily pad, hid behind it and wished really badly to disappear. It didn't work as Ikkaku grabbed the pad and tossed it away, hitting Rukia in the face again.

"Don't leave! I know we were jerks before but let's start again!" He held out his hand.

"I'm Ikkaku."

Ichigo keeping himself neck down in the water shook his hand and tried to escape quickly. He smacked his face on Chad's chest. The friendly giant smiled down at him with a small hint of puppy love.

"And I'm Chad." Ichigo blushed and waved slightly with his left hand.

"Hello Chad." Chad was going to continue but was interrupted by Kenpachi who had climbed the rock Ichigo had hid behind. In all his naked glory. And Ichigo saw everything before he hid his blushing face in his hands.

"And I'm Kenpachi, king of the rock. And there is nothing you fuckers can do about it."

Ikkaku raised his fist. "Pigfucker! Me and Shiro could take you!"

"I don't want to take him anywhere…" Ichigo tried to escape again but Ikkaku grabbed his arm.

"Shiro! Fighting is all a dom is about!" Ichigo pried Ikkaku's fingers off him and swam away from him.

"I know! We can all have a competition in who can hold their breath the longest under water." They all looked like the considered it. Ichigo really hoped they would.

"Yeah, but that is easy to cheat in." Ikkaku rubbed the back of his head.

"I could be the referee." Ichigo said hopefully.

"I'd rather fight, so assbags, are you gonna fight or pussy out?" Kenpachi roared to the sky.

Rukia, who now had recovered from the horror of getting creamed by boxers, decided to help her ward. She dove into the lake and jumped up in between the men. Since she was invisible to everyone except Ichigo it looked like a water monster popped up and roared, she could at least make her voice hearable to the naked ear.

In the commotion she created Ichigo could swim to the shore and take cover behind Zangetsu and took the towel the moviemakers had conveniently placed on the horse.

"I do not want to see a naked person again ever!" Ichigo ran a hand through his wet hair.

The rest of the recruits ran past, both men and women naked as the day they were born.

Ichigo looked at Rukia.

"The universe really hates me, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I think it does."

…..ooooooooo0000000000000oooooo oooo…

After Ichigo had dressed and gone back to the camp, he heard raised voices coming from Sui-Feng's tent.

"Captain Kuchiki! You seriously think your troops are ready for war? Those idiots wouldn't last a second against the Espada! They would be toast, bacon and salami before you'd be able to say Italy."

"They have completed their training." He heard his captain respond.

"Ha! Those insects couldn't find the pointy end of their swords even if they stabbed themselves."

"You saw that…"

"Yes, she's not all there is she?"

"No… But… Well I can't remember her being anything else but tall."

"Well anyhoo, the traitors won't be going to war. When I send this report to the general, you can kiss your chance good-bye captain!"

"We're not finished!"

"You'd better be careful, unlike you; I got my job because my predecessor turned into a cat and married a blond guy she met in a hole."

"I don't see how that is better than getting a job from my father." Sui-Feng looked perplexed and a bit angry.

"You're dismissed!" With a cold stare Byakuya stormed out.

He walked by Ichigo, the cold stare stopping him from saying anything but he did look. My, that's a fine buttocks.

"Oooh, I saw that!" Rukia grinned like a cheshire cat.

"What?"

"You like him! Ichigo and Byakuya sitting in a tree," she sang.

"Shut up! I'm going to back to the tent." Rukia watched him go and smiled to herself.

"Now that he's gone, I think is time to get thing war started."

She sneaked into Sui-Feng's tent after she had left whistling dressed only in a towel. Quikly grabbing a piece of paper she got busy composing a letter. Once finished she looked it over.

"Maybe I shouldn't have drawn so many bunnies in the margins…"

Moments later she looked over the re-done letter. Nodding to herself she took off to find some armor.

…..oooooo000000000ooooooooooo…

Sui-Feng was pissed. The brutes had water bombed her as soon as she'd shown up and really messed with her me-time.

"You owe me a pair of new slippers!" She yelled back to the laughing crowed. Turning back she saw what must be the strangest sight in a long time. A really short solider riding a pig.

"Urgent news from the general!"

Sui-Feng couldn't stop staring at the pig.

"What? Haven't you seen a self-proclaimed horse before?"

Narrowing her eyes in disbelief she said:

"Who are you?"

"Excuse me! Who are you? We're at war! There's no time for talk, only tea and biscuits and seeing that you have none, I would say you should shut up and deliver that to the general before I report you! Seriously you'd think you'd at least have some biscuits!"

…oooooo0000000000ooooooooo….

Running into the captain's tent Sui-Feng yelled.

"We're needed at the front! Pack your bags, we're going to war!"

The End.

Please wait 0.5-2 years for the sequel.

* * *

><p>Kidding ;) Like maybe this year for a update… kinda! Thank you again for reviewing! I like icht velly mucho, gracias!<p> 


End file.
